Heart shaped-box

That will be my first post in english, maybe I am trying to reach someone(?) or maybe it just brings me old memories when most of my teenagers years I used to write in english so people couldn't understand me or just to keep my mom away from my obscure journals or even because I can't be bothered to find portuguese accents. Now I am sitting here, in a cold frosty morning, listening to...Nirvana, oh God, yeah!! I tend to go to places when I listen to old Nirvana, my room 101! I remember how 'rebel' I was, I used to tell my mom I wanted to live in Seattle and used to burn candles to give peace to my suicidal singers, now I do feel bad when I think of that. God it was hillarious when I was 13, my mom was working, so I so wanted to go to the MTV, so my nana took me, I was terrible, I guess I always have this tendency to escape, so I completely disappeared with my 'cool' friends, so my nana was desesperate to find me and said in the reception - Where is my granddaughter? I think she has ran away with a long haired guy within a band. So so embarassing!!! I miss my old times, I was so authentic, like the songs I used to listen, fearless as a feminist (Babes in Toyland, L7, Hole, PJ Harvey) and brave to show my deepest feelings of anger and clever enough to write damn good songs. I had amazing teachers to inspire me to be a freedom writer, very lucky indeed. I am so grateful for the privilege to go to an amazing school ( I should thank my parents for paying it).

Thinking about changes...So tell what do you want to change? Isn't life being fair sometimes that you feel like nothing and wants to hide and changes your form like a chameleon so the world can't see you? Isn't like to be around so many people and even so you feel lonely and alone? Trust me everybody feels this way sometimes. Don't run away too long from your feelings, embrace them, if it is anger, love, anguish, just let it go, all feelings are neutral, and you are just human.

I will write later some more, my head is about to burst...